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hi friends and welcome to my channel today i'm going to bring into you draw my life i'm not going to be drawing i'm literally just gonna be sitting down to chat you and telling you about my story just maybe you an opportunity to get to know me a little bit better during this story i'm really gonna divulge and tell a lot of things about myself that are

very incredibly personal if i were to meet any friend i definitely wouldn't mention these things to them so be kind and respectable that's probably my biggest request i've debated so much about doing this should i do it should i not do it and there's so many times i'm like i'm not doing it no but then i was like you know

i'm i'm going to do it i think this will be good to kind of talk about everything and i'm comfortable i'm ready to have a couple notes like . it down just don't hit anything that's really big a pivotal but i think i'm pretty much ready to go if you're new to my channel please subscribe and let's start talking about my life

alright i was born on jun 2nd 1987 my mom and grandma were present for my birthday and i was a really ordinary little kiddo my mom had me when she was 16 so i got to experience some things that my other friends didn't get experience like i got to go to some really cool parties i got to go to like a bunch of concerts

i got to do like some really fun thing which is kind of a perk of having some younger parents and i had a lot of really close friends when i was younger i would always be over at their house doing sleepovers pretending to be spice girls i played tons of different sports if they have volleyball across played soccer

i'm pretty sure that was most of sorts i played i was either at sporting events spending time with my grandparents or at my friend's house had a pretty basic regular childhood and i loved everything about it and i had some really awesome parents i'm super gracious for however when i turned 16 my world was flipped upside

down a little bit i used to watch adoption shows on tlc and birth shows i think that's what it's called birth story on tlc and i just remember watching and like getting so excited and looking then looking at all the pictures of the birth and i remember i went to go look at my birthday pictures and i kept seeing pictures of my grandma and my mom

holding me and i was just like that's really funny where is my dad and i view pictures though weird that was one day or sitting down for dinner and i just brought up to my mom and i was like my dad was sitting there my mom sitting there and i was like hey how we can note so weird questions like how come my dad's dad's not in any of the pictures i

was born and my moms like everyone immediately stopped what they were going remind you have 16 at the time like the most hormonal age humanly possible and everyone stopped they were doing it kind of looked at my moms like we can talk about this later and i was like wait what there's something to talk about what do

you mean there's i wait what like it was a really big shocking moment because my whole world has always been this like mom like i always had this situation where i kind of had this white picket fence family and that's everything that i had always known and then i find out that there's something there's a secret that's announced to

myself and it involves me greatly so i immediately excuse myself from the table and go upstairs and my mom follows me shortly after and she said start with me and tells me that my biological dad my dad is not my biological father and at first i am hysterical i'm upset i'm emotional i just um there's so many emotions because i never no one had ever

alluded to that so i never would have thought anything differently i had no clue no idea so it's like the biggest bomb had been dropped on me and it was it was really hard to process like incredibly hard so we're sitting there and i'm like okay we'll explain it to me and she said you know when i found out i was pregnant your dad didn't want

anything to do with that he just wasn't interested in being part of that picture so she kind of just raised me on her own until she met my father when i was two years old so i'm all choked up i'm really emotional and i'm really upset and i told her okay well was my dad's day and i'd love to meet him you know and she looked at me and she told me i'm

sorry but you're not going to be able to meet him and i said what are you talking about what do you mean and she said i'm really sorry but your dad committed suicide last year and that was really hard for me that was like i just found a personal i just found out that my my dad have to dad and my real dad's like not my birth dad and then i find out

immediately after that my dad committed suicide so i'm there i'm flooded with emotion and have no idea how to express it i am just like utterly upset like i just remember crying my eyes out and doing so much research and i couldn't quit crying like i was hurt i was confused i was sad i had every emotion humanly possible and all 16 years old

and i just it was a hard time for me to say the least i'm sorry i'm like totally not trying to call this video but it was one of the hardest situations that i went through just like i said it was that was big for me it's really big it was really hard and i had no one to turn to always talk to my girlfriend

though come out my girlfriends but this was something that i felt like i couldn't we couldn't relate they had both or mom or dad had this situation that was so look so perfect and that's all that i had known so you know what screw it that's kind of how i started to think like screw it i don't care i don't care

i'm so upset i don't know who i am anymore i'm i'm my sense of it identity has kind of been ripped from me and you just told me so many hard things at once so the first thing that i did is the next day actually lost my virginity and i have planned for so long to save myself for marriage was not even a question in my mind i knew that i was

gonna do that and when my identity was flipped upside down i literally just everything went out the window and i lost my virginity that night somebody that i had a crush on and we've spoken prior and blah blah but regardless that's probably one of my biggest biggest regrets so my parents ended up finding out that i snuck out of the

house and they assumed and kind of realized that we had hooked up he was one of the more popular guys in school and they just knew they just knew so i got grounded for an entire year i wasn't allowed to go out with my friends i wasn't allowed to go to dances i wasn't allowed to do anything but stay in the house i wasn't even allowed to watch tv

for a long period of that time but i'm really glad that my parents did that for me because it allowed me to really give myself a lot of self-evaluation i was so livid for so long i blew out my 16th birthday candles by myself because i was grounded i was i mean they were furious with me and like i said it was probably a really good decision that they locked

me down like that because it gave me a lot of times like being my room and like just do some soul-searching and really stop and think and do some self-evaluation and be able to reevaluate everything that i going through is during that year i started to get really close to the lord i started reading the bible books i

started praying i told my dad as soon as i'm done being grounded i want to go to i want to become catholic i want to get baptized and i want to get closer to the lord i want to attend church regularly and it was almost like a pivotal moment for me as a lot of opportunity for self growth and really just finding a better outlet for frustration and for anger is

almost done with my one year of being grounded i started just surrounding myself by the lord i started attending sunday school that started going to bible studies any bible studies that i could possibly attend whether it's a wednesday tuesday or thursday i would go to it i would listen i would pray i would just just immerse myself and

everything that i could because when i was there i felt better about everything that i had learned i was like i felt like i was getting like healing all the hurt inside of me so it was a really nice place for me to be the just really helped helped me a time so that's kind of when i had the opportunity to kind of learn a little bit more about myself and

get closer to the lord so i became catholic i like i said i started pretty regularly and i was a totally different person in the best way humanly possible was really proud of the transformation my parents were proud i remember the day that i became catholic i remember seeing my cry for the first time ever like everyone was really proud because i was

this ornery stubborn teenager that hook it up with the most popular senior school and then i have this opportunity to really transform and turn around my situation so that was something i was really incredibly proud of then i got into one of my first serious relationship we had been on and off for a long time we were highschool

sweethearts and we were certain that we were going to end up getting married however we went to separate colleges and for the first six months of college it not really hard we ended up partying ways and pretty much saying you know you are a really good friend and we really care about each other and really love each other we're gonna have this operate

and go separate ways we literally thought we would have ended up married together we promised each other it was one of those situations where you just that was your first true love you know what i mean and we knew it just wasn't working there was a lot going on so we ended up separating ways and i just entered into college which was a really

cool and lightning experience and i love everything about college of the great time for me so after me and my high school sweetheart broke up college kind of began everything unfolded it wasn't really about him and i anymore was about self growth and i started volunteering like no one's business i did big brothers big sisters i did

best buddies which is an down syndrome organization i did so much volunteering i worked at different communities different fundraisers i couldn't be volunteered and enough things i went down to help out with hurricane katrina so anytime there was like a missions trip that i could go on with my church or my bible study people i was sure to

attend those events and it was something that just really helped me get closer to the lord and it just helped me give back to the community in a way that i felt was really positive and you know it's something that i really genuinely got a lot of fulfillment enjoyment from in college got a little bit deeper i started nursing school and it was hard

it was really hard i took so much time and energy i lived at the library i was there all of the time i looked at the library i lived at the bookstore i was there all the time i remember calling my mom in college and my parents had actually just moved to japan right before i left for college my parents told me we're moving to japan

three years so i'm transitioning into going to college and my parents are completely gone for three years and they have a different time zone so i was unable to call them what i would typically want to call them so i had to call them early early in the morning and they were just about to go to bed anyways i remember calling my mom saying

you know what mom i can just see myself meeting my future husband at a bookstore that would be a dream come true we can relish in books and read stories together it just relax and indulge upon different books that we enjoy and i told her that she's like you said silly but she said yeah that'd probably be good fit for you and it's so funny because my

parents are teen parents and they love to go to parties and they love to you know how about more wild lifestyle not that that's a bad thing and i was the girl that i had turned some somebody totally different i love to be the library and read books and pray regularly i was it was just we were polar opposites so many people have said

to me there's no way that she's your daughter that you don't even need to look like the sun even the same relationship but we were often anyways i told her that and that is very pivotal information that will come up in the future but i've been studying super hard for nursing school and it was hard i literally lived my professors office

hours like every single time after class i remember for my first time that semester in college i got a four point out so proud of myself like i was so proud but nursing school get deeper and deeper this semester's would get harder and harder and i did really really well i busted my butt i lived at my professors doorstep like i said during

office hours i would go to every single office hour i'd like please explain this to me i don't understand it please i need a i need to comprehend this for the final so i was there quite a bit but it really paid off and i'm so gracious for all the professors that have divulged so much time and energy they were worth every single penny because they spent

way more time with me the biggest should of but it was an amazing perience and i really love college for all of the learning that has come from it anyways i'm getting close towards my senior year of college and i'm studying for this exam i think it's like mid mid way into my last semester at college in nursing school and i remember studying

for finals i'm sitting there my sweats in my backward baseball cap at the medical library and i'm going to flashcards like crazy and me and my friend the gentleman that i studied with regularly he was sitting beside mean and he went over to go to the bathroom and cobras dad came up to me and he's like hey it's like i or with is he your

boyfriend i'm like no no oh no he's just a friend and he goes okay he's like you dropped this he said it says you are absolutely gorgeous please call me and i wasn't quite sure of like uh i don't know like he's not the typical type that i would go for but it's really sweet so i gave

it a couple days i thought about it i prayed about it and i went to church the next day and it kind of like just prayed about it and i said you know i did something that i should do is something that i should pursue and his name they mentioned his name in the scripture and they said something about don't fear this person's name and/or i'm guiding

you is that the message was very blatantly obvious like wow that's a really clear message to call in the next day and we went back to the library we kind of just chatted and we were just talking to each other up we were making each other laugh like crazy and we were really connecting in a good way and he was setting for his finals as well so

instead of like doing a traditional study style like hey let's go over to on this other study platform it was like off of the bookstore and we're like let's study over there we got a couple of our friends we had met there and we have this like a little study party and we were up til 4am every single night for the last week of

that semester and we would study and then betrayed study break through a dance and laugh and we had a really good time it was really really fun um and yes that was cold with dad and so we dated we started dating we started getting more seriously started getting to know each other and having a lot more fun going on relationships meeting each

other's parents and we really liked each other so we've been dating maybe i want to say maybe 4-5 months it wasn't a terribly long time and we loved each other when we decided that we wanted to make a baby i know this is completely goes against like all of my religious you know to me that's completely goes beyond christianity and everything that

i've stand for but it was just something that we thought about and we were like let's do it so we made a baby that was literally that simple be that night we got pregnant and the next couple weeks of pregnancy test and i was pregnant we're really excited we went and called everybody his mom was not so happy she

was like what are you doing you're not even married you know what i mean which i get it i get it i get it completely and we're telling everyone and a lot of people like they're not as excited as they don't get the excitement they're like oh cool but we're still like super excited i remember like running out to the store and getting like a basket and

i told him i said every single week we're going to fill the basket with some more stuff for the baby so we went out shopping of about $operand tons of gender neutral stuff because we weren't sure the gender right away and we stepped into the basket and we were just like getting so excited we're like hold up the clothes like know where we were

we were popped through really genuinely excited we were going to our very first doctors of my man we were so excited like we were so excited to hear the heartbeat and see get some pictures of the baby he was in the medical profession and i was in the medical profession so we kind of knew what to expect and we just really looking

forward to everything so we were done with the doctor's visit and it went really good we're going to the ultrasound we were just so excited like i cannot explain like christmas morning as a child doesn't describe how excited i was to walk into that ultrasound room so we get there and you have to like take off your

pants because i'm only like eight nine weeks or something man i might have been nine weeks at that point and they wanted to do an intravaginal an ultrasound just kind of check to see how everything's going and then we could do like a tell me altra sound afterwards anyways we go ahead and we start the ultrasound and we're looking around and she's like so

and your day and so you kind of tell her due date she's like there's just one in there and really good good good and we could hear the heartbeat we're really really excited and she goes and she started taking pictures like crazy like she probably took a hundred pictures and we're just like oh my gosh we're going to get so many pictures like

literally this is how excited we were like that cheesy or like oh my gosh you're going to get so many pictures to go on whether we were just so pumped and she said she stood up and she didn't say anything else she stood up and she goes there's something goofy and i need to go speak with the position and have her come in here immediately our hearts sunk

and dropped and we looked at each other and we knew something was really really wrong we didn't know what was wrong it took them forever to come back into the ultrasound room so we were you know all of the medicine that we know is that here rattling off i go what what could be going on like what's

you know me just trying to figure things out then the doctor comes in and i was really gracious for this she didn't sugarcoat anything she was straight . blank and she really sat down and she said she's like well i'm gonna look at your images of your baby something doesn't seem right does she look at the images and she says i just

want to be honest with you and she's like held my leg and i was like get off me like whatever you're doing just like what's what's up with the baby like she got really like emotional and started like holding on me and she's like your baby is missing the top part of its skull our jaw just like dropped it was she's like also your baby's heart rate

is wrapped as declining the cut your baby have club feet and all of your baby's organs are floating outside of its body what happened was our baby had amniotic band syndrome where somehow the bands and the sack react in a weird way so as the baby's developing the wraparound everything and as it tries to grow the

skulls unable to form and the intestines are cut open and it anyways that's kind of what in amniotic band syndrome is i ran out of the room and i ran into their hallway there wasn't any patients there and i cried on the ground and call his dad's doctor and i looked down i said please please make this please make this right i remember looking at the same do

they have anything like is there is gold surgery is there anything because we knew that the organs could be fixed that's a correct we knew clubfeet could be fixed and she also said that a lot of fluid was leaking out of the sack into my body that was good and we were like what can we do what can we do so we're just trying to

like we were kind of in denial so we were like trying to rationalize like is there a blade like a skull transplant anyways the nerve the doctor when she looked at me she told me before i ran out of the room your baby will die before it is a term or your baby will die moments after you've given birth so we

are heartbroken i mean we literally didn't eat for days we couldn't quit looking like we couldn't become quit crying it was really really bad like we were just a hundred levels of heartbroken and our baby ended up not making it and we had to do a dnc and it was hard like it was hard i remember shaking and crying when i put the iv's

and me to take the remains of the baby out of my body and as you make that point and i guess that the baby didn't make it and i remember before they before they put me under for the operation i remember like praying and like holding my tummy one last time like my last

moment hang out with my maybe it was really hard and like i said even when they had done the dnc and taken all of everything out oh i didn't plan crying like that wow just like brought up a lot of emotions anyways once they have taken the baby ohh like the remains of what was inside of me i'm eat for days and i need for

days and i was i was such a cold person and he started to get really angry and he didn't know how to like conveys feelings so he would circle angry which i don't blame it's a really hard tough challenging position to be in so he had this idea is like come on let's go let's get away that's how we hate we need something to

brighten result that because it was hard is it was terrible terrible so he took me to chicago and had this amazing fancy dinner planned i remember we went to this restaurant restaurant overlooks downtown chicago so beautiful and we had bought he literally bought everything on the menu because he's trying to me up and we didn't you

would have that much money at the time we could barely read pennies together because we just started our job or we know he had just started his job and we can say we've barely pennies to rub together hope it was a big deal for us to be at this fancy restaurant and i remember not eating a bite and he wasn't mad at all you would like no i totally

get it at least we got an opportunity to like buy it all and kind of look at it so anyways we ended up going on a horse and buggy ride and that's where he proposed to me and i obviously said yes and it was kind of nice to have something else to kind of focus on when i had so we had so much

pain in our hearts maybe it was a month later i've gotten my first cycle back and we looked at each other and he gonna cry like he would cry every single night and i have never seen this man cry he's a very strong pick up a strong personality and like a guy's guy and you just wouldn't see him cry typically so to see him

break down and start crying every single night remember him looking me and i please please let me be a father again like we knew it wasn't probably a healthy decision to just make another kid right away just because we knew that we hadn't healed from the terrible loss we just experienced but we like i said he looked at me and he was like please

'please and we i said you know what yes yeah let's do it so i think it was things giving we are going to know it might even thanksgiving when we can see coba and on christmas day i got to take the pregnancy test i was pregnant and i was so excited like i was excited and scared so it wasn't quite as excited as the first time but i was excited for the

potential idea and everything that could come with it so i had a good pregnancy i was incredibly nervous i was considered high risk since the last pregnancy and i just remember with every single ultrasound and every single thing is their skull is i was just overly paranoid was still so scared in my heart was still so vulnerable i remember the

first time we went into the ultrasound tech ultrasound like room to see how she was doing i just remember shaking like shaking and i couldn't quit shaking because i was so scared of what what the what was going to happen or if it was going to be okay if the baby was going to be okay ended up the baby was really healthy and that

baby is my oldest daughter nicola she is the biggest blessing and my i love her so much all my kids are blessings but it's such a blessing we had a pretty good pregnancy we still had like some bakery here and there just because like i said we still had a really hard healing that we never properly did and we both know that so it

wasn't perfect but we enjoyed each other we had a pretty good pregnancy were always laughing and then cole was born it was amazing i love everything about being a mom i we lived in a really small little condo and cover with there and it was just i stayed home with her for the first nine months of her life i was a stay-at-home mama while studying

for my nursing boards and it was amazing like she was such a good little girl and i love everything about mother it just brought so much joy to me and it really helped heal everything all of the pain that i've gone through it was just it was so uplifting and i never realized how much i love being a mama like there was it i loved every minute of it was

the most rewarding and beautiful thing ever then we started we're still dating we're still engaged we never ended up getting married we had booked a wedding date and i ended up calling it off we have some on and off issues little bickering here and there and we just were meaning i tie the end of it i don't

want to speak ill about cody's father he's a great guy and this is not a place to bash him but together we just didn't mean i die on so we bought a house we bought a house and we were about seven days before we moved into the house and something happened a strong something happened in regards to infidelity and that evening i left i took ova i just

covas belongings and i took everything that i needed to kind of get by took everything and i drove all the way to my parents house the next day i told him i said absolutely i can't go back this is something that is not okay with me and i'm i i don't want to go back i'm ok with my decision and i made that decision so i went ahead and got an

apartment i got the smallest apartment it was really hard for me it was actually kind of mentally challenging when i moved into that apartment because i was about to move into this you know really beautiful home that was just it was jaw-droppingly gorgeous and i was so excited for that i've gotten so much furniture that was gonna be shipped the

day we moved it and we bought decorations together we would really like planned everything out and it was hard moving into this apartment i don't even think it was 600 square feet maybe with 700 square feet it wasn't a very big apartment and it was hard and it was my first time sleeping a lot at night i remember how

scary that was for me so i ended up graduating like getting my nclex license for rn i pass the test and i went ahead and got three nursing jobs because here i am a single mom and i'm like i'm 25 years old i've got an almost one year old she was 10 months at the time that i left and i need a i need for her you he's no longer in the picture so i went

ahead and got three p rn nursing jobs at local nursing homes which i loved every one of these jobs i loved taking care of the older folks i felt like i was like visiting my grandparents every day so it was really rewarding and i always wanted to have had more than one job to make sure that if i ever lost one that i always had a back-up since i'm

supporting a little girl and i want to make sure that i can always provide for her it was a really hard time there was some amazing there's somebody part about being a thing long just because i was so liberated from you know some of the junk that i had and somebody like the conflict that

we had in our lives i was liberated formats like there's sometimes i was like a little sleepover with me my girl we had a fun time and then there's times when it was really hard like i remember towards winter i was holding the cova and i was on the second story of an apartment and i was holding tacoma and i was carrying her up

the stairs and the grocery i was holding three grocery bags and remember the grocery bags broke and all of the milk and all the kids spilled out all over down the stairs and i just remember crying i was like it was there was times where it was hard it was really challenging and i only had to be a single mom to one kiddo

so any of those moms out there that have experienced or are single parents seek one child or even more than one child i look up to you that it's hard it can be really challenging at times and i definitely experienced a lot of that it brought a stronger and it kind of made me really reflect on like what did i what was what did i need my relationship

like what was i not getting what did i need to contribute more to what did i fail at the relationship where was areas that i needed to improve so i did a lot of self-reflection because i wanted to make sure if i ever drove into another relationship if i ever chose to get married because for me that was really hard i thought that i was going to marry

him i thought that we were good to go like i literally believed everything about a relationship i trusted him so much i trusted him and i felt a level of betrayal and that was really hard it was really hard i told myself i don't know if i'm gonna get married again i think i've got my cova i just meet her for the

rest of my life i won't have any more kids i mean because i'm not going to get married so it's just me and her and we'll rock it will girl power but that changed on previously in the best way possible then i wanted to do like online dating i didn't want to be in a serious relationship

i was always with cola or i was always at work so there was no time for me to like meet anybody so i was like i would love to just kind of get tabs and my guy friends and maybe go on a couple dates here and there and just kind of chitchat and have fun not anything serious i didn't want any commitments so i ended up going on a couple dates and meeting

some really cool people and i never it was never one of those things were like oh i don't hook up with you it was literally just more like a platonic relationship really chill and just kind of getting to explore other people and see what would be a good fit or what i feel like i would want to mesh with the one most like it's that i marriage

wasn't even on my mind so it wasn't even really thinking about compatibility i was honestly thinking about like i know what i want but i don't think that i want it right now because i'm small heart still hurts so i really just kept took a lot of time to focus on colon my job and then every now and then i would go out like dinner or lunch with the

gentleman and we just kind of like hang out to chat like get to know each other and see if it work then that change that's what i met my husband and the game changed for me i met him and i was really excited when i met him i thought you had the sweetest days and we had so much in common i was like you know what on his picture on the website had so

many travel pictures like he'd be kind of a fun guy to like go on a trip with you know just kinda fun we could maybe do a little trip together so just kind of exploring different options and started talking on the phone and to be honest he was incredibly boring he put me to sleep several times he's really sweet and we

connected on a lot of levels but there was a lot of times like he was just a ramble for hours and i was so boring i would fall asleep on the end of the phone and i was just like oh yeah that's nice and so i had scheduled to have a date with him our like you know hang out and have dinner or something and i just a double shift as on our end

i was bi was literally worn out i called him and i said hey you know i'm gonna have to cancel i honestly i'm tired i don't think that this is probably a good idea i'll have any energy and i didn't think that i was going to reschedule like it was kind of my way of blowing off and he said to me he's like i'm really sorry but i'm 10

minutes from your house is like i can't turn around let's go have lunch become if nothing comes of that nothing comes of it and i was like you know what i can respect that he's been really nice to me he's really nice guy i'm gonna go ahead and do this so we went ahead and we went out to dinner and will actually perform it out to dinner he told me you called

me think i'm here so i opened the door and he was standing there and he had the biggest smile on his face like the prettiest smile ever and he was so much more gorgeous than his pictures like jimmy's a really tall guy has a really good like physique and he just was gorgeous like immediately was like strongly attracted to him i was like i

even surprise myself with how much i was attracted 10 and so that kind of took me off guard went out to dinner and we connected is instant chemistry it was something that i hadn't felt ever ever and he having it it was amazing so i wasn't quite sure still being a little skeptical unsure that night he called his friend and he

told his his guy friend he goes i'm gonna marry her that's my future wife she's amazing and i love her i wasn't sure like it took me a couple dates to really settle in and i started to fall for him really hard like we have a lot in common and he was so patient kind and gentle and things that i had never gravitated towards he's like

a totally different personality and i just loved everything like i was just so sweet and compassionate find and just a lot of things that i really really loved and when i think what sealed the deal for me with james is cova so i came over one day to my little tiny apartment with no furniture we have pillows on the floor because you

know me being a single mom situation so i mean anyways there wasn't much to do in my apartment but he wanted to come over and visit so he would come over he would drive and he lived in indiana and i lived in ohio so you would drive two hours to come visit me and he would do it almost every other day every weekend for sure but every other day every three

days we would just be visiting each other nonstop and one day he came up and i was like i don't know that way to come up code is here and i didn't want anybody to meet the coma i didn't want to just have her meet all of these guys and you know to confuse her i didn't feel like that was healthy or appropriate and so i'm anyways cover

was in the band he's like i'll just stop by for a couple hours and you can maybe have like a drink and just chitchat and just hang out or have a snack and i was like okay you know what that works so we came in you haven't even stepped in the door for a minute kovac starts crying really loud i remember getting her out of the bed and i was like you have to be

you cannot be your watch is here and he said please he's like i care for you so much please let me be here let me meet her and so at that point i said okay okay so i went ahead and grabbed cocoa and i'm not normally a pushover but i just i'm trying to be more open-minded and i said okay so i grabbed cova and i sat her

down and she immediately went and grabbed the book and that had look laughed and said you'd be pleased it was so cute she connected to him instantly instantly she loved him we left that night we ended up having a big pizza party went out for pizza lately key and we all hung out together and we had a really amazing time and

then that evening he was going to go leave and i'll simply copa down and she went to grab your shoes that we go to me go to she wanted to go home with them i just i think we all fell for each other a lot right at that moment it was just it was a very just nice it was like almost kobo is giving me her seal of approval to there's a really cool

feeling so we have been dating for i don't know i think maybe like six months five months anyways we were dating i think it was six months to be honest and we had just bought a brand-new house i decided to move to indianapolis i landed a new job it's a bigger better dogs going to pay a lot more money for the hospital i was going to be an oncology

nurse which i was really excited about like all will be really challenging mentally challenging and it can really help me grow and i'm looking for this just position in general we went ahead and moved to indianapolis we had just moved into our new have and i think we've been there for two months and i remember looking at each other one night

and we just looked at each other and i said let's make a baby we got pregnant that night with jay guy and we're so excited we were so excited i i've never been that excited we knew we knew we were going to marry each other like there was no doubt in our mind and then i think it was a month later he flew me to new york city and planned out the

entire day it was literally an amazing day i remember every single detail you put out the entire day and he got on one knee at times square proposed to me with this gorgeous ring with the most gorgeous heart and i couldn't help yes i was so excited so we were engaged for maybe a month and we decided to go finalize our engagement at the

courthouse so we went ahead and got formerly married like a month or two after we got engaged we knew we wanted to be married and we were like we're already doing things so backwards i would love to be formally married before jay gets you know comes into this earth went over to my boss and i wanted to let him know hey i and pregnant i'd only

been working as an oncology nurse for a couple months and i didn't qualify for fmla that's the first thing he told me is that if you are pregnant you can only leave for two weeks that's all that we can allow you that's your vacation days hopefully you can earn enough vacation days to get your full two weeks by the time your

baby's due he said i can give you six weeks however it six weeks completely unpaid so i was devastated i remember going to the bathroom just tearing up and just being heartbroken and this job per se was a really challenging incredibly challenging job it was probably the hardest saddest job that i've ever done

in my entire life and i didn't like it i don't like it at all it actually made me not like nursing um i saw i worked in oncology which is also cancer floor and i sauce so many people pass away from cancer at a very young age i saw people that were 16 in my they were holding my hands when they took their that's right it's all people with

22 24 26 30 i saw so many sad things it was that job wasn't right for me and i was okay with walking away from the job so i immediately went home to james and i told him i can't just take off two weeks for maternity leave after i birth my baby and i was like no way and we stopped and we prayed about it and he said stay home with the kids i know

that's what you want to do just stay home with the kids and i knew in my heart that's what i wanted to do he knew how unhappy i was my nursing position like i would come home every day and i would cry and i'm not an emotional person i'm not the kind of person that just i i never crime never sad and like my disposition was starting to be

affected i wasn't as cheery as positive motivating and uplifting i started to get like just down i wasn't happy there every time i walked it i would see the hospice nurses coming in or i would see i just saw a bad thing after a bad thing after bad thing i didn't get to see any been good i didn't

get to see the good yeah every now and then i got some patients that are really happy and proud of my positive care and they really gracious and they were so grateful for me to be there for them and those were amazing but i didn't get to see a lot of like recovery stories and that's what i had hoped when i went to oncology like we can do a lot of

recovering and it'll be kind of nice like yeah there'll be some sad parts but it should be symmetric of arese as well and i never slow recovery story because our floor with a little bit more severe staging of oncology that it was just really mentally hard for me and that's when and yes i still have an active rn license but that was the day that i told

him i'm done being an earth-like he said that i can be a stay-at-home mom and i told him i'm done being a nurse for good like i'm okay with setting down my degree and moving on like trying something different i guess i worked really hard to ascertain it but i'm okay like i feel like i'm being called to do something a little different and that

exactly what happened it started to get to stay home with the kids some more time with the kids and my personality changed in a matter of days i was a different person my personality ads so happy i i remember just not i could quit smiling and i would just i would think him everyday like thank you so much and we started planning our home birth is my

very first home birth and i was so excited my pregnancy was going good and have any hyatt symptom of growing big and proud and i was loving every minute of it towards the end of practice our pregnancy was when we decided to start youtube we started it on our daily vlog channel and i felt like a couple pregnancy updates of jacob which the

videos are redness they're just so that i look back on it like already doing but we ended up that's when we started blogging and started doing a couple pregnancy updates here and there and then i think it was a month or two later jacob was born and it was amazing birth it was amazing she was such a good kids

with such an easy baby compared to go over yeah and that's pretty much where my story kind of ends everything after jacob everything about my life has been documented on our daily vlog channel since the day jacob was born so if you guys ever want to catch up on any of the old things about myself

you're welcome to the good our daily vlog channel and follow us we would love to have you as a subscriber or to watch us on our daily journey because we document our life daily but that is my story and i'm so grateful for every single person and everything gold person that's helped build and develop me to be the person i am today i'm just so

gracious i mean i've had some hardships and i've had some amazing times and they everything is developed me and guilt me into the person that i am today and i'm just so gracious so gracious for cova i'm so gracious for every single point of my life single day of our lives may be missing a few here and there but recording our daily blog channel so i'll

leave a link in the description box below if you guys want to go over there subscribe and follow our family it would mean a ton to me but that is my story and thank you for listening thank you for getting to know me a little bit better and thank you for making it to the end of this video is a very long video but thank you hope you guys have

an amazing day and i love you guys

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