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- one, two, three, four. b-l-u-e. - and then he stepped backwards, and he squashed a slug with isbare foot, and it just like explodedeverywhere! it was so cool. - so gross. i'm trying to eat breakfast. - no you're not.
you're just staring at it. what are you, nervous? - no, i'm not! jeez, you're such a brat. - [boy] mom, can i have sarah'smilkshake? she's not hungry. - i remember the day i gotsorted. i didn't sleep a wink, and i only managed half a shake
before i threw-up everywhere. - did you know? you know, where you'd be placed? - well, no, i wasn't sure. but then i wasn't surprised,either! the quiz is very accurate. - i wish i knew what was on it. - well if you knew, itwouldn't be fair, now would it? - you nervous?
god, i was. i only managed half a shakebefore i puked everywhere. that's what makes us monica's iguess. very highly strung. - i can't believe ourlittle girl's finally going to find out which of thefriends from 'friends' she is? - i've got a pretty good guess. - yeah, everyone knowsshe's gonna be a gunther! - oliver, take that back!
- i'm just kidding. - we'll be there for you, kiddo, however you get sorted. - 'cause you're there for ustoo. that's how it works! (laughter) (suspenseful music) (chatter) - i'll be there for you, sarah.
- i'll be there for you, alex. - have you studied? man, i don't know what i'ddo if i hadn't studied. - everyone knows youcan't study, you liar. aren't you nervous? - are you kidding me? could i be any more of a phoebe? - can you stop messing around? the rachel is coming.
- you are such a ross. (squeaking) (door squeaks) (choir sings 'friends' themesong) ♪i'll be there for you ♪when the rain start to fall ♪like i've been there before ♪because you're there for metoo ♪which of the friends are you♪
- i'll be there for you. - [audience] i'll be there foryou. - for many years, our society lived in conflictand strife. life was hard. our jobs were a joke. we were broke, and a nuclear holocaustwiped out most of humanity. but, we finally came tothe fundamental truth.
that every member of society fits snugly into one of sixtypes. the monica's. practical and nurturing. the ross's. scientific, yet lovable. the phoebe's. such creative forces. the chandler's.
oh, just the funniest. the joey's. - how you doin'? - loyal and charming. and of course, the rachel's. natural born leaders,with a flare for fashion. they were all so different, but they somehow allworked so well together, despite their differences,
because they were friends. (synchronized clapping) today is a very special day, when our bright, young peopleare given their futures. so, let us begin, shall we? gunther's, please prepare thequiz. - anything for you, the rachel. okay, you know what? that's gross.
please, just do your job. (typing on computer) - alex andrews. (clicking computer mouse) (applause) - knew it! come here, buddy. here's your bowler shirt. - [rachel] winston banks.
- yeah, welcome brother! - sarah brand. - carrie? - who's carrie? - i have no idea what-- - friends! friends! let's just take a briefadjournment while the leader of the sixhouses
discuss this minortechnical hiccup, shall we? miss brand, go with me. - oh, okay. - we are on a break! (audience murmur) - so can i still go, or what? i just like taking tests. - [audience] you're such a ross! - there must be a glitch in thesystem!
the system is fool-proof. the ross's have gone overthe quiz time and time. - what if she picked a set ofanswers that no one's ever pickedbefore? - okay. that's about as likely as agunther ending up with a rachel. am i right? - she could be a carrie, whynot? - a 'sex and the city' characterin the 'friends' universe?
they're two totally differentnew yorks! - we had a 'mad about you'crossover. - this is not 'mad about you!' okay, now our entire system ofgovernment is predicated on people knowing which one of the friendsfrom 'friends' they are! do you guys wanna go backto when times were bad? huh? when we weren't there for eachother?
when the rain started to fall. is that what you want? because that's what you're, don't touch me! - yeah, if we let her be acarrie, we might as well tell everyoneabout the other quizzes. - there are other quizzes? - ross and rachel, just because you guys are each other'slobsters,
you think you can walkall over the rest of us. - yeah, this is supposedto be an ensemble, and if anyone knows that, it'sus joey's! i mean, we just don't work onour own. god knows we tried. - why don't we just makeher a stupid gunther, and be done with it, okay? (arguing) - excuse me!
there are other quizzes? (ross laughs) - if there were other quizzes, they would be meaningless, not even worth mentioning-- (gasps) - seize her! hello, gunther's, i'm talking toyou. seize her!
(sarah gasps) - [gunther] alright, you two gothat way. you, come with me. (door slams) - come with me if you want tolive. - wait, aren't you thedownstairs neighbor who was complaining aboutall the noise from 'friends?' - used to be. not anymore.
now i'm the rock. welcome to the resistance. - the rock, really? - you wanna see it? - i mean, you know it's just youmade a 'terminator' referenceearlier, so i figured you'd beschwarzenegger or something. - come with me. there are some people i want youto meet.
(whimsical music) - but, you're all, how? - we all took the 'which friendfrom friends are you' quiz. first, we lived as everyone elsedid, with a tiny voice in our head saying something wasn't right. until we realized our trueselves. - i used to be a ross, itseems so ridiculous now.
we don't know how you didit sarah, but you beat it. you beat the quiz. it's a miracle. - but how do you knowyou were who you are? - it's a motorola. - got mine at radio shack. - we're helping the people wecan, it's just that there's so fewof these quiz machines left. it's a painfully slow process.
it's also a pain in the ass. - we've been trying to finda way to do it manually, but we haven't been ableto figure anything out. - does anyone have a notepadand some colored markers? - well it's seems this littlemonica's upstart daughter has ideas above her station. well, there's only one form ofpunishment fit for this kind of treachery. but, it seems sarah is hidingaway.
well, it seems almost unfairthat no one should suffer. bring out the turkey of shame! - sarah, save yourself! i'll always be there for you! - sarah, you have the power toend this! just bring back the laptop, and everything will go back tonormal. (buzzing) - citizens of new york,california,
our leaders have beenkeeping something from us. something we all deserve toknow. there are more quizzes! - don't listen to her! she's, she's stuck in secondgear. - on my mark, get readyto drop your truth bombs. mark! - [rachel] what is it? what are those?
- it's the other quizzes. - don't look at those! don't look at these! no, don't look at those! - oh my god, i'm a frasier! i'm a frasier! - i'm a posh spice. i always felt it, but now iknow. - yeah, i'm definitely still aross.
(heavy breathing) - oh! - why are you doing this, sarah? i thought you were my lobster. - i might be your lobster,but you're not my mr. big. - can i at least be your peeta? - no, you're my gale. i love you, but we're justnot destined to be together. - oh, spoiler alert!
- no, please! please, i'll give you anything. i'll give you my central perkapron. i'll give you my calvin kleinjeans. i'll give you my hairstraighteners. please, i just don't want todie! - do i look like i needhair straighteners? (slicing) - we are not friends anymore!
(cheers) ('sex and the city' theme music) - and so, as the world as weknew it stood in ashes around us, i asked myself some fundamentalquestions. if anyone can be anything, does knowing what youare still have worth? does friendship mean anythingif you're forced into it? and, would i look cute as ablonde?
(record scratches) ♪so no one told us lifewas going be this way ♪work is a bore, we'repoor, the world is in dismay ♪seems like we're alwaysstuck in second gear ♪when it has not been ourday, our week, our month ♪or even our year (glass shattering) (ringing)